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29

from Sterilized by Maiden Name

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lyrics

Can’t return emails, texts stuck aground
got my therapy license, and shit started to settle down
I could pay the bills, no frills
but at least our small ship didn’t run aground (or at least we didn’t drown!)
anxiety/money ratio ran pound for pound
and safety nets that were once bet against
sleeping soundly on a wet park bench
nerves were bound and wrenched
with no real reason for my heart to pound against the ground
spit up rags, I would’ve had a grab bag full of want ads
but couldn’t bear to say goodbye to the baby we just had
40 hours brings thunder showers, we need only a breeze
to freshen up this small apartment, to eat our own unease

yeah, I’m 29, and sterilized
impotent as ever

People posting pictures on Facebook, from my apartment complex
I hoped those white folks respect the heck outta their subjects
object / relations / lesson…and if the people don’t know
then i can’t find a way to let it go
made to feel my own enormous footprints in the snow
mistakes are stakes in the heart of the immortal
strokes a strike bestowed
tears a garnish to a gufauf and a chortle
(so piss off, that’s the moral)
no flash photography, but a few hundred lines and some rhymes
when helping hurts you go back to the grind
or go back home with no pretense, no burden of hope
its an all-or-nothing world, you nail it or you choke
its odd when outreaches teach your kid about Jesus
and how dirty her heart is, which is why she needs him
to be the evangelized, not the evangelist
is to come full circle in a paradigm shift

Tin man with no oil can in his hand
rusted from the iced and salted sands of distant lands
got nothing, in need of nothing
but for a few friends and a place for a tired heart to land
I heard if I come without a thing, I come with all I need
so I come to a King of a divided Kingdom out of sync
an oppressor looking to be set free,
by stepping across the isle and sitting’ in another seat
can’t say I can offer much but directions in the wrong way
and a list long of which I belong of whom I have found to blame
hanging with folks like me most of my days
makes a man wonder how he kept his fragile heart aflame

I’m gonna do it wrong, but you would do it worse
this knowledge is a blessing and a curse
I could curse your theology verse by verse,
but I’m so tired when I talk it hurts
nothing but a bag of nerves, preloaded knee-jerks,
hope for a way to get some good work
we try all day, but we both know
the results are only gonna be adverse `

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from Sterilized, released October 26, 2015

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Maiden Name Portland, Oregon

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