Sterilized

by Maiden Name

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02:15
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03:10
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04:30
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02:00

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A collection of B-Sides, while patiently looking forward to "Colder Than Mars"

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released October 26, 2015

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Maiden Name Portland, Oregon

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Track Name: Isaiah 6
We blessed the bombs that dropped in 1945
that relieved 225 thousand people of their lives
“whom will I send?” asked the Lord
and then an atomic bomb humbly stepped forward

a bomb stepped forward and volunteered its life
“Who will go for me?”
“Oh, Lord, will I”

thy will be done
my woe-be-gones to step upon your face
our nationalistic demonic ties, they do need your grace
sitting back at the top of a structure of your authority
got my Bible and my gun, that’s all I need oh Lord, to seek your face

this will be done again, exactly when
we certainly cannnot say
if anyone's gonna be dying here, my goal is your own grave
solving problems with guns
not just the American way
let's smash some baby heads on the concrete.
Track Name: Hygiene
Toothpaste isn’t what it used to be
crushed bones, oyster shells, dragon’s blood, lobster teeth
we kept our new bathroom scale in the kitchen for weeks
out of laziness? most-likely
is it something subconcious? maybe
we took it from the packaging and left it on the faux beech
never thought it might seem like a pathology between our skin and the sea
never think too much about those things

the vineyard will be trampled and left in ruins.
I heard the heart of Sodom and Gomorrah’s sin
was mistreating the wayfaring alien
I once saw Isaiah 6 posted in
an air-force chapel by an air force chaplin
both the plaque and the place were incredibly troubling

serving spiced coleslaw to the mid-to-lower bourgeois
folks at a shared table, try to not go after kinfolk folks if I am able
but those vintage bowls would be worth their age in gold
if you poured them out to the poor,
if they could tear down walls and open doors
what can I say?
but John the baptist didn’t go into the food desert because he was bored

I can’t escape the system, but at least I can curse it
I need to be forgiven, that is one thing that this certain
against my best wishes, I’ll eat taco bell this week
where the chicken is caged and the labor is cheap

I’ve never killed a man, but my cold blood can
never needed to, already got a game plan
fit for duty, one-hundred-and-twenty thousand
I mean, one-hundred-and-twenty million, that’s no straw man.
Track Name: Chinese Restaurant
We ate at the chinese restaurant for Christmas dinner this year
exchanged gifts across the table, like a supervised parental visit

we ate pizza, but only for an hour, you chose her over that other little boy
I shut down like under a cold shower,
and forced my gut to be underemployed

And this is how things are
ten-thousand miles between our homes
and a distance longer between our hearts
and this is how I’ve learned to live
half of you lives in my heart,
and the other half in central Arizona

When I hold my daughter close,
she runs her palms along my hairy arms
reminds me of when I was a child,
bike rides in Springtime, going on for miles

You guided us through the land of Narnia
all those hours sprawled out on the bed,
I remember your tenderness
the feel of your mustache on my forehead

but this how things are
ten-thousand miles between our homes
and a distance longer between our hearts
and this is how I’ve learned to live
half of you lives in my heart
and the other half in central Arizona
Track Name: 29
Can’t return emails, texts stuck aground
got my therapy license, and shit started to settle down
I could pay the bills, no frills
but at least our small ship didn’t run aground (or at least we didn’t drown!)
anxiety/money ratio ran pound for pound
and safety nets that were once bet against
sleeping soundly on a wet park bench
nerves were bound and wrenched
with no real reason for my heart to pound against the ground
spit up rags, I would’ve had a grab bag full of want ads
but couldn’t bear to say goodbye to the baby we just had
40 hours brings thunder showers, we need only a breeze
to freshen up this small apartment, to eat our own unease

yeah, I’m 29, and sterilized
impotent as ever

People posting pictures on Facebook, from my apartment complex
I hoped those white folks respect the heck outta their subjects
object / relations / lesson…and if the people don’t know
then i can’t find a way to let it go
made to feel my own enormous footprints in the snow
mistakes are stakes in the heart of the immortal
strokes a strike bestowed
tears a garnish to a gufauf and a chortle
(so piss off, that’s the moral)
no flash photography, but a few hundred lines and some rhymes
when helping hurts you go back to the grind
or go back home with no pretense, no burden of hope
its an all-or-nothing world, you nail it or you choke
its odd when outreaches teach your kid about Jesus
and how dirty her heart is, which is why she needs him
to be the evangelized, not the evangelist
is to come full circle in a paradigm shift

Tin man with no oil can in his hand
rusted from the iced and salted sands of distant lands
got nothing, in need of nothing
but for a few friends and a place for a tired heart to land
I heard if I come without a thing, I come with all I need
so I come to a King of a divided Kingdom out of sync
an oppressor looking to be set free,
by stepping across the isle and sitting’ in another seat
can’t say I can offer much but directions in the wrong way
and a list long of which I belong of whom I have found to blame
hanging with folks like me most of my days
makes a man wonder how he kept his fragile heart aflame

I’m gonna do it wrong, but you would do it worse
this knowledge is a blessing and a curse
I could curse your theology verse by verse,
but I’m so tired when I talk it hurts
nothing but a bag of nerves, preloaded knee-jerks,
hope for a way to get some good work
we try all day, but we both know
the results are only gonna be adverse `
Track Name: Implant
I’ve spent half my life in a dentistry chair
what the hell, students prodding and poking me, I could drive far
to a private, professional practice
but practically, my van doesn’t get great gas mileage

So this tooth is the first tooth pulled out by this person
(unless they’ve already been practicing in the third world)
they are practicing on me, cuz I think I can take it
or I’ll choose to end my treatment plan prematurely

when I check in, I zone out
depersonalization, to help me survive

dental school drama, surgeons fight with the first years
stabbing the edge of my gums, my cheeks are wet with tears
losing track on the chart, start it over again
your shaky hands keep rubbing against my mouth’s skin

when I’m in the chair I can feel the metal in my gums
feel them drilling in my jaw

when I’m in the chair I can feel the metal in my gums
feel that drill in my jaw bone

when I’m in the chair I can feel the metal in my gums
feel that drill do it work, make a hole, for a screw.